Healing begins

Its been awhile since i have sent a msg. Since december 24th maybe? He sent a msg on Jan 4th. I havent responded . He asked for a food pack. Wrote that in my last entry... 

Ive been a mess. Angry, sad , used,  taken advantage of, feel like a fool, empty, dumb..list goes ln..yet i do miss him?? A little . Thinking should i just g ahead and reply. Then the saga continues. Uncertainty, the want money money money part. 

Idk if i miss him as a person or just the love i thought i would have ? That wasnt him . Plus he hasnt been charming for years. 😩😢😢 Plus he wanted us to be friends yet he says he loves me and writes it on every msg.. so confused 🤔 😕 

I read alot about a narc traits and other victims. Just ugh!! 😤😠.  They're just so Evil and terrible.

But one day at a time. Or hour by hour ? 

Ps. He had written yesterday 

Another fuckin letter talking about money.  That he wasnt mas that i hadnt sent any christmas money!  And are you okay. This is isnt like you going so long without messaging ... 😑😑😑

Being sick & letting go

I decided to take a break from him. Writing him and all. I just need to be selfish and just think about me.FOR REAL this time! I hadnt replied 

since i got the message. Hasnt been that long . 1.5 week.. lol I just been thinking what he done to me and he just been so mean and playing with my emotions. And manipulating to get the cash. Ive helped enough . Im not a bank sweetie.. its closed . The last msg was of course he mentioned" would you send me food " he always use more fancier grammar. He is trying to be such an angel... I just cant do this prison thing anymore. Im not getting anything out of it anymore... Just irritates me so fuckin much ! 😤😤😤

He will obviously not care about me when he does get released. Been gone for 20 years. Why should he? He got a whole buffet of women out there. We are not compatible anyways.. 😑😒🙄 i dont regret being involved. I loved it before . Kinda. But now its just weight on my shoulders. Im too old for this shit ! And to be mistreated. Even when i have done so much. Im not even related or married to him . 🤦‍♀️ Time for him to not take me for granted and try in another ways. Be independent... I dont like who he is. 

I got sick about day after new year.... I went to work on my other job for 2 days that week. Maybe i shouldnt had. 🫤😩Have been sick since. Today was a holiday. No work,buy tomorrow its a normal work week... I Guess im gonna stay home tomorrow too..🤷‍♀️  Love being with my furbabies 🥰🥰🥰

Happy New year

So its time to say good bye to 2024 and Hello 2025. ✨✨

Ps my cats really dont like the fireworks but hopefully there wont be Tons of it .

Also i laughed my ass off 🤣🤣cus my mom looked so weird when we were outside looking for my Smokey the cat. My other cat came outside she looked down and said : who are you??? She was wearing her hat and earbuds . Actually i got asthma after my laugh attack 😏

Good laughter for the end of this year!!!

Last day of Christmas

Just been trying to organize my room... Was so much dust /cathair on my desk.. 😩😑  but it looks better now 😄

Just had a sucky day, my body been aching . Just felt depressed. 😥😞 And kinda lonely too...

Putting myself down . Those thoughts in my head... Just degrading myself . Fat , ugly , failure, loser!! 

Merry Christmas

Just chilling at home. Taking it easy. 😺🥰😏🤪